What If...?

I know that I should not dwell on the "what if's" but it is human nature to do so.  All that keeps running through my mind is "what if".

What if I hadn't walked into Cody's room last night at that exact moment...
Would I have thought that he finally went to sleep because he was no longer crying?
Would I have heard him choking?

My blog tends to be filled with the exciting and happy moments that are happening in our lives right now. Although, not everything that comes with raising a baby is easy.  Last night turned out to be a very scary time in the Stefan household...let me explain:

Doug and I have not been against letting Cody Cry It Out (CIO).  I was not ok with this in the beginning, because when a newborn baby cries, there is something that he needs.  It has really been just recently that we have let him cry in his crib for longer than 10 minutes.  We have been having trouble with Cody's sleeping for the past two weeks now.  I'm not sure if this is the early process of teething (Doug got his first tooth at three months) or if this is the dredded Four Month Sleep Regression that I have been reading about.  Either way, it has been frustrating at times. 

Last night I put Cody down after his final feeding.  I knew right from the start that it wasn't going to be a good night.  He started crying before he even touched the matress.  I leaned down and kissed his bald little head and told him that he was ok.  He was full, dry, burped, and sleepy (until then).  I decided that I would let him CIO.  He would cry very hard for a while, then he would calm himself down for a few minutes, then he would start a slow whine of a cry for a bit and it would start all over (I'm sure that some people reading this are against CIO, but I promise not to judge the way anyone else parents their children if you don't judge the way I do).  Cody had been doing this cycle for about 30 minutes.  It was at this point that I had to go in there and get him.  I couldn't take it anymore, and I know he had had more than enough. 

This is what I call my "God Moment".  God sent me in his room at the exact time I needed to be there.  When I opened the door (it wasn't all the way shut), I looked into his crib to see him projectile spitting up (while on his back) and choking on it all at the same time (he had just started to do it).  I will never.ever forget the scared look on my baby's face as he was choking.  It was at this moment that I became "Super Mom".  I picked him up faster than I ever thought possible, had him facing forward and started patting his little back.  He was soaked and so was I, but I didn't care.  When I realized that he was ok, I fell to my knees holding him and started crying.  While I was sobbing, I was thanking God for being in there with us.  Thanking Him for keeping me calm when I needed to be.  You would think that my sweet son would be crying too after all of this, but he wasn't.  As soon as he had stopped coughing, he was snuggling with me and smiling at me (which made me feel that much worse).  Just goes to show what a sweet boy he is. 

I decided at that point that Cody and I were going to snuggle all night.  And we did!  He slept in my arms on the couch.  I'm not sure where I stand at this point with letting him CIO.  I think I'll do a little praying on that matter, and turn it over to God.  I know He'll give me the answer I need. 

Unfortunatly, like I said we keep thinking about the "what if's" when we should be (we are) rejoicing that our son is ok.  Words truly cannot express the fear that I felt last night, but I am so thankful that our Father was watching over and protecting us!